Zombie Movie Night: January ’13

The first zombie flick of 2013 was A Little Bit Zombie, billed as a comedy, which is usually a risky prospect.  Comedy is so hard to write and so subjective that we have been amassing a giant pile of unfunny movies over the years.  Zombie comedy is a 50-50 shot at best.

‘Little Bit’ stars Stephen McHattie, former Golden Zombey winner and, I believe, the first three time star of zombie movies we’ve watched.  Here he plays a grumpy, foul-mouthed zombie hunter; a role he will probably not be winning any awards for, as most of his dialogue and characterization is terrible.  He was so great in Pontypool, but there’s little evidence of his acting chops on display here.   This one was for the paycheck all the way, I’d wager.

McHattie is only on the fringe of the story anyway.  The real plot is between a set of couples spending their vacation at a cabin.  One is soon-to-be-married and the other are the groom’s sister and her husband, who just happens to be the groom’s best friend.  Soon the groom is bitten repeatedly by a zombie mosquito who refuses to die and he wakes up the next morning feeling “a little bit zombie.”

While ‘Little Bit’ is not as aggressively horrible as Deadheads or Dead and Breakfast, it still isn’t very good.  At least here I could recognize the parts that were supposed to be funny and decide that it just wasn’t my taste.  There are plenty of things I just don’t like no matter how many chances I give them, yet still accept that other people like them.  Family Guy, reality shows, comedies on CBS that aren’t How I Met Your Mother, etc.  Add to the list a movie where a zombie projectile vomits all over his bride, drools excessively whenever someone says the word ‘brains’ and pukes up anything he eats.  Zombie puke is really funny to some people.   The weird thing is that the first five minutes and last five minutes are pretty solid.  The mosquito effects are lame enough to have a certain campy charm like Evil Dead or early Peter Jackson.  The ending goes off the deep end with crazy stuff happening and it’s the funniest part.  It’s the eighty minutes in between those two points that are the problem.  Grade: C

lilbitzombie

Next up was Bloodlust Zombies, a low-budget entry starring Alexis Texas, whose previous credits are of the pornographic variety.  According to wikipedia, she won a 2010 F.A.M.E. award for Favorite Ass, so clearly we’re not dealing with a lightweight, ok?  She played Buttwoman.  But not in Bloodlust Zombies.  In BLZ, she plays Andrea, a woman who works in an office building that is super high security and works on, like, military bio-chemical weapons and such.  Things are going great until Andrea has cowboy role-playing sex with her boss in his office and they accidentally broadcast it over the intercom which causes a wacky duo of scientists to knock over some non-lethal vials of the experiment they were working on, which, during the commotion, causes them to accidentally release the zombie cat they created.  The building is on lock down!  Everyone is trapped inside with the zombies!

Pictured: Alexis Texas

Pictured: Alexis Texas

I gotta say, perhaps shocking even myself, that I really enjoyed this one.  If you purposely turn on a movie where top-billing goes to a porn star famous for having a big butt, then you can’t set your standards too high.  The acting is so bad, that if I hadn’t known who Alexis Texas was ahead of time (which I absolutely did not, no way, I mean, how could I? How would I even?) then I wouldn’t have picked her out of the lineup as being exclusively bad.  Everyone is bad, which is part of the fun.  This flick knows what it is and decides to exist anyway.  And you know what?  Unlike our previous film, BLZ lands most of its intentional comedy.  Between intentional comedy and unintentional comedy, it ends up being just about a laugh a minute.  I was very pleasantly surprised by how much I didn’t hate it.  I give it a grade of B…for Buttwoman.

bloodlust

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