Zombie Movie Night -July ’12

First up was Mutants, a French film we had seen already…No, my mistake, this is an American remake.  No, still wrong…this was a completely different film called Mutants.  Quite the dilemma for our rankings list.

An evil sugar company (is there any other kind) is thiiiis close to perfecting a sugar that’s more addictive than cocaine.  The problem is all the previous incarnations of the formula have gone horribly wrong on the human test subjects (pleasing taste; some monsterism…).  Another complication arises when one of the degenerates kidnapped for the trials turns out to be someone who will be misssed. Like, as in, the company secratary’s brother.  Not soon after, Miss secratary starts receiving secret messages and clues about what happened to her brother.  She and dad begin to investigate.

The big problem with this film is that it is an hour and a half of exposition.  It plays like a prequel for an awesome movie that hasn’t been made yet.  The final scene that shows the beginning of the sugar-fueled apocalypse looks awesome.  They should have tried to make that movie instead of this mostly boring setup for scenes we won’t get to see.  There are a couple of familiar faces who are largely wasted, including Michael Ironside as a special ops commander with a beer belly and child-bearing hips.  The ending makes little sense as our heroes call the ops for help, then decide to blow the place up themselves.  It’s all some fairly harmless, yet forgettable nonsense, which on Zombie Movie Night is good enough to earn middle of the road status. Grade: C

The next film would have had an all-star cast…if this was thirty years ago.  The Terror Experiment stars C. Thomas Howell, Judd Nelson and Lewis from Revenge of the Nerds.  This super team of 80s actors are in charge of containing the carnage caused by a bio-terror attack on the federal building in Lafayette, LA. 

Sadly for the famous faces, but good for the movie, is the fact that the action is mostly focused inside the building, where the standard group of survivors are trying to battle through the horde to get to safety.  Their results may vary, of course.  Inside the building is when the action is mostly good.  Outside, the famous actors are given little to do except fret, speculate and argue about how much to cover up regarding the incident.  Worst of all, the movie’s message that government cover-ups are bad is the same message conveyed by the American terrorists responsible, which makes it seem vaguely like the dude who just killed everyone inside the building was in the right.  Just…no.  Skip the outside scenes and watch the indoor scenes and you’ve got a decent zombie flick.  Grade: also C.

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