Zombie Movie Night: Nov. ’11

Gotta admit, I didn’t know what to expect from Blood Creek.  I wasn’t even sure it would qualify as a zombie movie and that’s all I need is to have a SECOND disqualification under my belt!  (Thanks a lot, Carriers!  Why are you on a Wikipedia list of zombie flicks?  Asshole!)  Happily, Blood Creek not only has zombies in it, it has an amazing sequence where our heroes are attacked by ZOMBIE F’N HORSES!

Basically, it’s your standard tale of a Nazi who journeyed to Virginia to find some mystical stones that would help his side win the upcoming WWII.  When he discovers one, he moves in with a family and turns them into his unaging slaves, who must kidnap people to feed to the Nazi so he can drink their blood and become an immortal with power over the world.  Or something.  You’ve heard it before.  Almost every movie starts this way.  There’s really way more backstory and mythology than is necessary and I could type thirty more sentences about it and still not completely understand it.  And don’t even get me started on oddball character motivations.  Everyone does what the plot requires, even when it makes no sense. 

The impressive thing about the film is that NONE OF THAT crap matters.  The movie navigates its way through all its trappings and failings and somehow manages to come out the other end as a solidly entertaining film.  Not saying it’s going to win any awards or be particularly memorable a year or two down the line, but it didn’t make me feel like I wasted my time and it actually exceeded my expectations.  On Zombie Movie Night, where we have sat through our share of mind-numbing crap, sometimes that’s enough.

Blood Creek gets a B- grade.

So I can keep my landlords from aging, but I have to look like this? Maybe I read the ancient text wrong

 Next up was the classic (?) Italian film, Nightmare City.  A mysterious plane lands at an airfield and the passengers have been transformed into zombies!  Smart zombies who use weapons, cut phone lines, and remember where they parked.  There’s really only the most marginal of plots.  This movie is an hour and a half of zombie attacks, running from zombie attacks and bump scares.  The make-up and gore is really cheesy (it was the 80’s!) and the nudity is really gratuitous (it’s European!).  Everything is treated as camp for the most part, which is why it’s so jarring when the two main characters try to have serious conversations about WHAT IT ALL MEANS.  Plus, the lack of plot means that every fun part leads to another part that kind of drags.  We usually scoff when a movie is less than 90 minutes, but this one could have been knocked down to 75 and been better for it.
And then came the twist ending!  Maybe in 1980, the “it was all a dream” resolution wasn’t yet a cliche (it probably was) but man, what a laughably disappointing way to close the film.  So the guy dreamt the whole thing?  Even the parts he wasn’t in?  Why was he dreaming about high-ranking government officials he’s never met before and their families?  I mean, come on!  It was a dream!?  The title of the film is literal!?  LAME LAME LAME!
 
Nightmare City gets a grade of C.
 

That is, however, a pretty nightmarish looking DVD. Or the world's worst sex toy.

 

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